For Me This Is Heaven

“If I don’t let myself be happy now, then when?

If not now, when?”

– ‘For Me This Is Heaven’ by Jimmy Eat World

 Unfortunately, this will only be half of an appreciation post for my favourite song (boo!). In saying that though, this song will essentially shape the format of this post, at least to an extent.

I personally love this song for a combination of reasons. The music itself, the changing dynamics throughout the song, the soft and emotional vocals, and of course, the intricate, impressionable lyrics.

I’ve interpreted these lyrics in different ways, depending on the changing contexts I’ve found myself in. That’s the amazing thing about this song and music in general; if you listen to certain things while happy it resonates, and likewise if you’re feeling negative. Sometimes one song can have a million different emotions bundled inside.

On first discovering this song, it sounded like a song written from the perspective of someone going through a bad break-up. A time when they look back on the relationship itself and ask the other person if they can still feel the “butterflies” from the beginning of their relationship, and if they can remember “the last goodnight” from the end.

However, I then began to view it differently after a while. It seemed to muddle together in my head to sound like someone recounting the beginning of a relationship: about overcoming hurdles, pushing nerves aside and essentially just committing fully.

Although when I hear this song now, it conjures up images of someone embracing a new lease of life. Someone who has spent so long feeling frustrated, longing for things they can’t have; someone finally breaking free from the shackles holding them back, and committing to explore the things that make them happy.

That’s kinda the premise with which I wanna set this post from. Recently, I’ve been trying to spend more time focusing on myself. Ironically it’s been a difficult enough thing to do, getting to know yourself. I’m trying to figure out what I like, what I don’t like. Things I want to do – both in the long-term and short-term – and things I want to stay away from.

It’s one of those things that I’ve felt was coming for a long time. Now that it’s here, though, I’m beginning to know myself a lot better than I ever have, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t know whether it’s just because it’s Summer and I have a lot of free time now that uni’s on a hiatus, but focusing on things I love like listening to music, reading, and writing has really helped me feel like myself again.

It’s a habit I hope to hold on to once September comes knocking around again.

TL;DR: Essentially me over-analysing the bestestest song my lil’ ears ever did hear.